No Fear

So... it has been about three weeks since I decided to change my entire outlook on life, live by a new mentality, and just go with it all. Let me just say, these last three weeks have been quite possibly the best three weeks of my life. I feel like I somehow have erased this mountain of stress that was constantly looming above my head and that I am finally - for the first time in my life - free to do whatever the heck I want, without worrying about any of the trivial things that once consumed my life. Like an idiot, I used to unknowingly live by the "I can't do such&such because so&so will think ___." Seriously, how dumb is that? I was talking with a friend of mine about all of this and she reminded me of such a good quote that I think everyone should take into consideration: Why are you so worried about what others will think when all of them are worried about what YOU will think? Seriously, it doesn't matter. 

Something else I've noticed is that I have become a lot more witty in the last three weeks as well. Why? Because even if I had something funny to contribute before, I was always so *worried* that others wouldn't think it was funny and I would then feel like an idiot for saying it. But now? Well, now I don't care anymore. I guess you could say it's less thinking or filtering than before, because now if I have something to add, I say it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and when it doesn't, I just say to myself "well, better luck next time!" because honestly, 2 minutes from now, who is going to remember the not-so-funny joke you told at dinner? No one! 

The point here though is that you can't live your life in fear... fear of yourself, fear of others, and fear of how others perceive you. The number one thing I used to worry about was whether or not a guy liked me. If he was a guy friend - whether I was interested in him or not - I had to make sure he thought I wasn't interested. And let's be honest - how DUMB is that? Isn't that the whole point? If you like someone, you *want* said person to think you like them! No wonder I was so bad at that thing we call "flirting"! I let my fears control me and life was not nearly as fun!
I just have no fears and no qualms about anything anymore. If I find the stupid old mindset seeping through, I remind myself "it DOESN'T matter!" If I get a 60 on a test, I say "well, at least it's still passing!" because 10 years from now it's not going to matter if you aced History of Music Literature... as long as you got that degree! That's all that counts in the end. So sure, I still try to get good grades, but if I don't do so hot on a test, OH WELL. 

Gosh, life is so much more stress-free this way! I am ALWAYS in a good mood now and somehow find it a million times easier to see the positive in things now. Not that I wasn't an optimistic person already, but now I don't even have to *try* to see the good things that come from the bad - it's just obvious what good has come of it! Oh my gosh, I just can't believe it took me over 22 years to figure this out! But hey, better late than never!

"I Don't Care!" (The New Outlook)

Well, many people have been asking me what my new outlook on life is and how it has begun to work 'so quickly' ... so after quite a few requests, I have written a more detailed version of what exactly I meant by my 'new outlook.'  At the bottom, I've included a quote Karie showed me today that fits so perfectly with my new mentality.  Enjoy!

I don't care.  That's my new mentality!  And yes of course, this requires some explanation or else it might sound a little harsh.  Well for years, I have annoyingly cared FAR too much about what other people think.  "But if I do this, then people might think ___ about me!"  It's dumb, but it's something nearly everyone has to go through and figure out at some point or another.  For me, it took a while, and things just recently clicked in my head.  I unknowingly limited myself in the things I could do or say simply out of fear of how others would perceive me if I were to do a certain thing.  I have never been "quiet" but I most certainly have not be the "loud and out there" one either.  I am out there juuust enough to get noticed on occasion, but no where *near* enough to get heads to turn or anything like that.  I lived life and had 'fun', but lived it VERY cautiously... and doing that isn't fun.

I've always had friends, but they're usually people I've met in some friend-of-a-friend situation or they're just ones that I've known forever.  And while there's nothing wrong with that, it's a heck of a lot more fun to meet people in all sorts of different ways - and without the help of others.  I've usually kept to myself in classes with this skewed mindset that it's somehow easier that way, and so I hardly ever meet people through any class; but this semester I've met all sorts of people that way, and it's great!  I also decided to throw all those stupid 'cares' out the window and basically do what I want.  If I want to sit next to someone, I'm gonna do it.  If I want to meet someone, I'm going to go talk to said person.  Life is too short to live it out in worries and fears!  So... that is EXACTLY what I've started to do!  

Yes, for those of you curious about my facebook status this past week, this mentality is exactly what I'm referring to!  I am going to live life how *I* want to and I am throwing all my cares out the window... heck, if I want to do something, you better believe I will!  Even if it's something that might result in weird looks from passersby, I'm still gonna do it! 

And another thing... how others view you is entirely dependent upon YOU.  It's all in your head.  If you think you're something, then that is exactly what you are and how you appear to others.  So if you think you're fun and exciting and a blast to be around, that will transfer to others and they will believe exactly that.  But if you constantly tell yourself that you're boring and no fun to be around, I hate to break it to ya, but you've just doomed yourself to misery by your own mentality.  That was my other problem: self-confidence.  I definitely didn't have enough of it.  Sure, I have plenty when it comes to jobs and networking, but with regards to everyday social life?  Yeah it sucked.  So I decided that I was just going to TELL myself that I'm the "fun, exciting, blast to be around" person and just live by that and see where it takes me.  As it turns out, it is now more apparent than ever before that people will view you based on the way you view yourself.  I can't even remember the last time I had this much fun this often in the span of one week!  Everywhere I go - even in my classes - it's just a blast.  I'm always talking with lots of people, joking around, playing pranks, and loving life.  

If you have a poor view of yourself, I highly recommend you make a conscious effort to change that and see what happens if you really stick to living by your NEW view of yourself.  I promise you it works!  Believe that you are already how you want to be and stop worrying about how others might perceive you or the things you do, and just run with it.  And I mean run with it.  Don't start with a slow jog - take off with it at full speed and before you know it, you're suddenly living the way you've wanted to live for so long!  :D

And now, the amazing quote that I now love...

"Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you have been hurt before.  Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's Fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's Fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's Fearless to stop believing them. It's Fearless to say "You're NOT sorry," and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is Fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is Fearless. Letting go is Fearless. Then, moving on and being alright...That's Fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Love is Fearless."     -Taylor Swift

Life Is Funny

It's funny how one day you want one thing, and another day you want something completely different.  And I literally mean the time span of just one day.  That instant where everything in your brain somehow rewires itself and suddenly your thoughts, views, or opinions on something are completely different than the day before.  And of course, I suppose it's a gradual process that eventually leads you to that "insta-switch" but it's still a switch that ultimately happens overnight or that you just suddenly realize one day.  Heh, this probably isn't even making sense to most people but oh well.  I'm pretty sure no one (except maybe you, Karie ;-) ) reads these anyway!  I've just noticed that in the last week and a half or so with my own life and it's been so weird.  I keep asking myself "when did that happen?" because until I was forced to re-evaluate everything, I didn't even realize that anything inside of me had changed!  But two choices were presented to me and the choice I thought for so long that I wanted was suddenly no longer the choice I desired!  I just think it's weird how quickly things can change from one thing to another.  

Everything Happens For A Reason

It's that age-old phrase "everything happens for a reason." And while that phrase is indelibly true, it is sometimes hard to find the reasons in things until after the fact. Without going into detail, that phrase has been proven true time and time again in my life, and I just have to be patient to figure out what the heck the reasons are for certain things happening. And, in time, I figure it out. But the most frustrating part is always the present - trying to figure out why certain things are happening to you NOW when you don't have that magic crystal ball to tell you what lies ahead in the future. I guess there wouldn't be much point in that, though, if you could always see 5 miles in front of you. So instead, I try to come up with all sorts of crazy stories and reasons for why current things are happening to me. "Maybe this happened because I needed to do this, and run into this person, to connect with these people, and get this job, to do this thing..." It has actually turned out to be a really good mindset to have, because that way I am constantly learning as I am going, instead of taking years to finally look back and understand how all the puzzle pieces did eventually fit together in time. I am currently putting together quite a few puzzle pieces from last year's events through the things I am going through right now. It really is crazy to see how everything is connected in some way or another, and how you can learn from any experience you have if you look hard enough. I think part of the reason it's so important to see how the past and present relate to one another is to ensure that you don't allow yourself to repeat history time and time again. I am just now realizing that I might have begun to repeat history within my own life and so now I'm trying to stop that from happening in the coming weeks or months. But without those past experiences - good or bad - I wouldn't be prepared for the present; so there's yet another truth to that phrase. Well, in short, everything really does happen for a reason. It's my life's philosophy and I highly recommend it to anyone.