Learning Through Life's Trials

So the other day in FHE we were talking about the Ensign article “Learning Through Life’s Trials.” Normally our lessons are more or less ‘short and sweet’, but we actually talked about this one for quite some time. Everyone had a lot of insight on the matter and/or personal experiences to share and it got me thinking.

There are a lot of people who don’t fully understand “why bad things happen to good people.” And oftentimes, even if they say that they understand, simple actions prove that it still isn’t fully comprehended. I will be the first to admit that I definitely didn’t understand it until a few years ago. I constantly used to ask myself “Why me?” on so many different facets of life. I was a good person, so why did I have to go through so much crap? It took me literally years of the same trial before I finally figured things out: it makes you a better person. Well, that is… if you let it. That also took me a while to figure out. I was so bitter and angry for so long that it took me forever to be able to see any good that came from my situation.

In high school, someone deeply hurt me. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, this person only shot sharp words and insults in response. There were so many lies involved, so much deceit and mean games played that at one point in time, I truly did hate this person. But I hated feeling that way. Plus, it was hurting me so much more than the other person because I was allowing said person to get to me and to affect me so deeply.

So I did the absolute hardest thing: I began praying for this person. Believe me, this was not an easy thing. I was filled with so much pain, anger, and hatred, that the last thing I wanted to do was to ask Heavenly Father to bless the one who caused me so much pain. No good deserved to come his/her way. Yes, my view was very skewed at the time I began this, but that was all the more reason and proof that I needed to pray for this person. It started out rather lackluster, and in the very beginning was more of a “please help him/her be able to grow up” rather than something like “please bless this person that he/she will be able to become an even better person” or “please bless this person with good friends who will be able to help him/her in the future.”

In time, things began to change. I started to see this person in a different way. I no longer felt anger or hatred toward this person but instead, love and compassion. I began to see him/her the way Heavenly Father does – as a child of God. I know it may sound silly, but it’s true. Praying for this person really did change my views that much.

We never did resolve things because we both moved to different places and lost contact. However, I still think about this person quite frequently. I even anonymously sent a big “21st birthday” package to this person in 2007. I put no return address on it because I didn’t want it to be ‘credit’ for me – I wanted it to be simply what it was: a present from an unsuspected friend.

Now, I’m not saying that I did everything right in this years-long situation, because I was far from it. I had plenty of stupid and/or ‘speak-before-you-think’ moments of my own that I am sure only furthered the problem. In fact, there were a lot of those. Many of those stupid moments make me cringe just thinking about it. But what I am getting at here is that I learned from one of my own life’s biggest trials. I gained SO much from that experience. The end result very heavily molded me into who I am today. It was the absolute hardest (and longest) thing I have ever had to go through, but I would not trade it in for anything. I learned to see people in an entirely different light, I grew to understand that you don’t know anyone’s full story unless you talk – and listen – directly to the source, and I learned that the best way to forgive someone is to pray for and serve them. I promise that you will without a doubt begin to see said person as God does.

I also learned to look for the blessings within a trial. This particular one took me quite some time after the fact to see all the good that came of it, but the blessings from it are immense. Now, when I am in the middle of a really hard trial, one of the only things keeping me going is to take a step back and ask myself, “okay… what possible good can come of this?” and then think of all the blessings that may come because of the trial I am faced with.

I know this might sound like a really weird or random (or LONG) entry, but it is something that I feel very strongly about and have been thinking about a lot since Monday night. And I don’t care how cliché is sounds - we ARE all children of God and he loves all of us equally. He may not always like the things we are doing, but he will always love us, and we should do the same for each other. We are given trials because Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to become the best person we can be. It’s how we handle the trials that really count.