Can I Get Your Number?

So... I was at this party last night in Beverly Hills (cool, huh?) and overall, it was a blast.  Saw a few people I had met the night before at a different party, ran into some old friends from a film I worked on two years ago, and met quite a few new people who were really awesome.  However, amidst that, I also met this one guy who simply would *not* leave me alone!  To use my mother's term to describe certain people from past films I've worked on, he was a puppy dog.  He would literally follow me around this place no matter where I went, and every time I thought I had successfully managed to relocate to a new circle, he would appear out of nowhere again!  And... he was a touchy-feely guy.  I'm sorry, but when you have only met said person 5 minute prior, you do NOT have the ability to move as you please.  You are limited to a handshake...*maybe* a hug.  Upon getting to know the person (and assuming both parties are on the same level), you may be granted a hand on the shoulder or arm, etc.  ...Then again, I suppose this all has to do with if there is a mutual attraction from the beginning or not.  But in any event, this attraction was NOT mutual, and therefore limits the person in question to a mere handshake.  

At one point while we were talking, I was looking for any way to get out of the conversation, because I felt as if I had already used every excuse in the book for reasons why I was going to go "over there" now.  So I pretended like I had gotten a text and started answering a fake text.  He, however, took that as his 'golden opportunity' to joke about getting my number.  I was going to leave it as a joke and pray we moved away from it because I really didn't want to give him my number.  But then he actually said, "but seriously - *can* I get your number?"  ...really?  Are you kidding me?  Dude, you must be the most daft guy in the history of the planet to not realize that I am *clearly* not interested.  

Then at one point while a friend of mine and I were talking, this kid magically reappears again.  My friend is a nice guy and so he began to include him in the conversation, but seriously this kid was just awkward on so many levels!  He found out that my friend was an extra in one of his favorite movies (from 1992!) and asked for his autograph!!!  (Um, hello... we live in L.A.  Most people here have at least been an extra in something.  Heck, I've even been an extra in a couple films!)  This friend of mine thought he was kidding and thus laughed as if it were a joke until he realized he wasn't joking and said "oh, you're serious..."  This was about the time my friend Russ walked up.  So when the other two were talking, I whispered to Russ "this kid will NOT leave me alone!!"  Russ said "Don't worry, I got ya covered" and successfully helped me escape from the puppy another 3-4 times throughout the night.  By the way Russ, thank you!!

So... minus that little mishap, the party was a blast!  The majority of people I've met here (in CA) are great and I finally feel like I'm living in a REAL world (as opposed to the illustrious Provo "bubble" I wished daily to escape from).  More to come in the near future.  

Oh and sorry Mom, but I already love California. :)

Thoughts and Updates...ish

I think I've discovered why I have such a terrible time writing in here.  It's because whenever anything exciting or 'newsworthy' happens, I write in my real journal first.  By the time I have finished writing about it, I'm tired and don't feel like (1) rewriting a 'public' version or it or (2) editing the already-written version.  It takes too much time, and I have it written elsewhere and that seems to be good enough for me.  Also, I don't know how much - or how little - to include in here.  I want to include enough so those who want to keep up with me will get the basic gist of what's going on, but I also don't want to include *too* much because I made that mistake in the past (high school) with one of those stupid "livejournals" and would prefer not to repeat any version of that.

But, I have recently discovered that people actually read this and want me to update them with what is currently going on in my life - especially now that I have moved to Los Angeles...

That being said, I will try to (a) be more frequent in writing these and (b) sum up what has happened each time I write.  Really, not that much has happened since I moved here.  I officially got here on June 9th around 9pm and pretty much hit the sack the second I got all of my stuff in.  The next few days I spent catching up with some old friends from Utah and Virginia.  I went on this massively long hike on Saturday morning in the ... Punch Bowls?  I really don't know if that's what it was actually called, but that's what everyone kept calling it.  Maybe it's "Punch Bowl Canyon" or "the punch bowl hike."  I have no idea, but in any event, I went on a 9-10 mile hike.  And I don't mean just some measly little trail-marked path either.  We had to climb up a ton of rocks, shimmy around bigger rocks in some places, cross streams/rivers multiple times, etc.  We finally got to what I'm assuming is the reason this place is called the 'punch bowl' because it was a small little "bowl" of water at the top that was deep enough for one to swim in.  However, it was absolutely FREEZING, so I didn't get in.  They also had 'cliff jumping' where you could jump from super high up until water that was about 16 or 17 feet deep.  No thanks.  Only one person from our group actually did that.  

On Wednesday, I met up with a friend I met when working on "Frozen" and we had a real good time just chatting and whatnot.  It's always fun when you have a friend you can talk with for almost 3 hours and not even realize that much time has gone by.  And I now have the utmost respect for him as well, because for the first time in my life, a 'swearing' friend of mine picked up on the fact that I don't swear and - get this - he himself stopped swearing!  I didn't even say anything to him!  He just did it on his own.  Sure, I don't like swearing and would prefer if others would try to keep it to a minimum when around me, but I don't exactly go publicizing that to the world; and I will only say something to a friend or acquaintance if s/he is dropping the f bomb multiple times in a short span of time.  Otherwise, I just try to keep my "filter" on and deal with it, because I have discovered that most people don't seem to care.  So I'm just floored that not only did he pick up on it, but he stopped without me even saying anything!  First-class is all I have to say... first-class.

Today, I found the perfect 'starter-job' out here, but the only problem is that I haven't gotten it yet.  The description is as follows: 

"You will do runs, transcribe tapes and mix audio on shoots plus whatever else comes up." Sweet, sounds good.  

Requirements:

Film / Broadcasting School major 
4-year degree 
Field mixing and booming experience 
Bright, Creative, Energetic, Passionate and Hard working 

Perfect!  And for those of you wondering, yes my degree is technically a Bachelor of *Music*, however, all 'training' I got was catered more towards film.  And all jobs I had while in school were all film and/or broadcasting related.  If they want the broadcast side, I did work for KBYU Broadcasting for four years... so see, I'm set!  Now the only problem is actually getting the job!  Oh, and it doesn't pay a whole lot, but it does pay and that's good enough! ($450 a week, regular M-F thing, but prob 10-hr days).  

Tonight I went to this dinner group thing some people in the ward do once a month.  Well, in the LA 1st ward.  I'm technically not in that ward seeing as I live a half hour away, but that is the area I plan to move into once I come back from filming HSM4 in Sept/Oct.  Plus, I really wanted to live closer to the actual city because I knew that the wards there would be more legit.  I have met a few people in the YSA ward here and well, most of them have lived in this area their whole lives and are still living with their parents.  And if you're still in college and home for the summer, fine... but at this point in my life, I am post-college and want to meet people who are more my age and who have real careers already, etc.  And tonight was awesome!  Pretty much everyone I met was originally from another place, and currently done with school and working in production, music, law, accounting, etc.  It was a breath of fresh air.  I definitely felt more comfortable in that atmosphere than around the YSAs I have met so far in the Agoura area.  

And by the way, I think I am 100% 'back to normal'!  Remember that massive change I had back in November?  Well I was real good at keeping it up for quite some time, but apparently got lazy at it when I dated Martin, or somehow unknowingly re-learned the 'back-off' vibe (probably because I was already dating someone), and it took a while to re-train myself into November's mindset.  But let's just say, I am definitely back!

That is all for now.  Consider yourself officially updated.  I'll be sure to post again once I get a real paying gig (or full-time job).  

Grand Canyon Road Trip!

Well, I am still working on writing on this thing more frequently... But a lot of people have asked me about my trip to the Grand Canyon and want to know how it was, so I figure I better write in here! Martin had work until about 4:30 that day, so we left around 5:30 Thursday evening and headed down. All things considered though, we made pretty good time. According to GoogleMaps, it should have taken us about 8 hours and 45 minutes, and we made it there in 8! The only downside though was that we still didn't get there until 1:30 in the morning! We traded off driving about halfway through, and Martin was having trouble staying awake the last 30 miles, so we traded off again. Then, the last thing anyone wants to be doing at 1:30am after an 8 hour drive is set up a tent! But, what can ya do? We got everything set up and then crashed. Even though we both were exhausted, the sun came much sooner than we would have liked *and* it was freezing (quite literally - it got to about 31 that night!), so needless to say, we didn't get much sleep! We finally got going, ate breakfast, and left for the shuttle bus (it's free!) around 10 or 11.

We got to the first viewpoint and seriously, the Grand Canyon looks fake! It looks like this huge painting that can't possibly be real. It was one of those things where you just sort of look at it and think "...wow..." We went to a few viewpoints that day, went down part of one of the hikes you can go, saw a California Condor bird show thing, and went to lots of gift shops. The hike we went down is actually a 10-12 hour hike round trip if you take the whole thing. Luckily, we didn't go down very far. I wish I was good at hikes, but for some reason they just kill me. :(

Oh, it was also incredibly cool how many different languages we heard throughout the day! I can't even begin to count the number! And it was so funny because we even had that stereotype of a bus full of Japanese tourists pull up. I couldn't help but laugh. We did however, see an entire tour bus full of French-speaking tourists as well. Martin heard what he thought was Swedish, and so went and talked to them and was right - that's where they were from! Later on, we even ran into a family from Norway and he talked with one of them for a while. It was funny though because the guy thought I spoke Norwegian as well, so after a few minutes of talking with Martin, he turned to me and said something in Norwegian and I just had this blank look on my face and said "what?" haha.

We called it a day around 5 or 5:30 and headed back to camp. We made hamburgers and hot dogs over a fire, and then played games until about 8. Both of us were so exhausted that we called it a night somewhere between 8 and 9. haha, I can't even remember the last time I went to bed that early!

Saturday was a lot of fun as well. We took a different shuttle bus most of the day to a ton of other viewpoints and had about 10 minutes at each point before the next bus came to take us to the next stop. Martin liked getting as close to the edge as possible with a lot of the spots and some of them definitely made me a bit nervous! There were, however, a few of them that I wouldn’t let him do. :P There’s one picture he convinced me to take where I am pretty dang close to the edge myself and after uploading the picture and seeing how close I was, I can’t believe I managed that! My depth perception must have been off that day! Haha.We again called it a day around 5 or 5:30 and headed back to camp. However, we had almost run out of bread and were going to need some more before our trip back the next day and they conveniently had a whole grocery store right next to the campsite! I was worried about how much just one loaf of bread would cost when this is the only store within miles of anywhere else, but I was amazed at how cheap everything was! We bought bread for $1.79! That’s cheaper than some local stores! Everything was very reasonably priced, and some things were even cheaper than a store like Smith’s. So we decided that next time we come to the Grand Canyon, we won’t bring as much food with us on the 8-9 hour drive, but will instead just get everything we need once we get there. Oh and we also found out that they have four different church services each Sunday – one of which is an LDS service! However, it wasn’t until 1pm and we needed to leave before that in order to get back at a decent hour. :( We got back from the store, ate dinner, and played some more games. Again, we turned in around 8:30 or 9 because (1) neither of us had been sleeping very well (the first night was freezing and the second night had such strong wind, I thought my tent was going to blow away!) and (2) we had had another long day and were exhausted.

We got up Sunday morning, ate breakfast, packed everything up, and headed out. We stopped at a few more points on our way out, and then again a few times after we were actually outside of the park at a few lookout points they had along the road. One of them was awesome because it was a bridge over the Colorado River! We never really got to see the river close up while actually at Grand Canyon, so it was neat to see it so close. We decided that next time we come, we’ll have to do the white water rafting. That would be so awesome! We switched off again almost halfway. The total mileage from Provo to our campground was about 489, so roughly 250 miles each. About 100-150 miles into the drive, Martin took a nap… and about a half hour after he woke up, I needed to take a nap so we switched off, and it was right around 200 miles at that point.He had seen on the map that Bryce Canyon was only 17 miles off the road we were on and wanted to stop by there since we were so close, so we did. We lucked out too, because normally it’s a $25 entrance fee just to see the canyon, but since we were getting there right as the little tollbooth thing was closing, he let us in for free! (the same thing happened at Grand Canyon – we’d gotten there after hours and didn’t have to pay $25 there either!) Bryce Canyon is really cool as well. They had about a mile hike down and up and we took that and it felt like we were going into the depths of a cave or something. It was really cool, though. We spent quite a while there (an hour or two) going down the canyon, hiking back up, going to several other viewpoints, etc.

Then, before taking off again, we made a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for our ‘dinner.’ Haha. About 30-40 minutes before we got home it started pouring! I was so glad I wasn’t the one driving at that point! :P We finally made it back to Provo around 10:45… and guess what our mileage was?! 1,000... .4. Haha we were so incredibly close to having our trip be *exactly* 1,000 miles! But alas, it was 1,000.4. Still, pretty close! Anyway, so there you have it. There is my trip (and first road trip ever) to the Grand Canyon!

PS, all my pictures are on facebook if you want to take a look at any of them. I’ve got two albums I posted this week.

Updates and Latest Film

Okay, Okay yes I have been lacking greatly in this area known as my BLOG. I think my problem is that I just never know what to say. BUT... I really thought I had at least written about the film... apparently not. So I guess I *do* have something to say after all.
In March, I got to work on my fourth film. I still have not worked from Day 1 to the end since Singles Ward 2, but working on any portion of a film is awesome. I worked about 5 days on this one, but it was great. It was the most 'intense' one I had ever worked on as well. It was up in the mountains at Snow Basin, kind of near Ogden. The first few weeks were "night days" where call time was 5pm and we didn't finish until 6 or 7am... and then I had an hour and a half drive home. One of the times driving home, I called my mom because it was 9am for her, and talked to her all the way home so I wouldn't fall asleep driving. It was crazy. But the actual filming was 'extreme' as well. It averaged about 15 degrees or so outside. 30 degrees was lucky, and 0 or 5 was probably about the worst. I wasn't there on the 0-5 degree nights though, thank goodness. The first time I was up there, my feet nearly froze, even though I had snow boots on and everything. But when you are OUTSIDE in that weather for 10-12 hours, it definitely gets to ya! However, the main boom op, whose place I was taking on the few days I worked, had these awesome snow boots that were like putting your feet into a heater or something. After I had those on, life was beautiful. :P Oh and by the way, throughout the film I was still working my day job. The first day on the film, I'd worked 9-3 and then drove two hours there, and worked 5pm-6am. I was pretty much a zombie after that! haha. But yet, I love it. Crazy, I know. But I would most definitely rather be OVER booked than 'under booked.' I hate being bored. (PS that first day was the only time I worked my desk job the same day I worked on the film, though. I DO still need sleep occasionally!).
The film itself was this low-budget horror film that had what I considered a really stupid plot line. Three kids get stuck on a ski lift at night and have to figure out how to get down and get help without dying. By the end of the film, only one of them has not been eaten by wolves... and the survivor has lost half of her hand due to frostbite, as well as lots of spots on her face. But it was still fun to work on. The crew was great, and the cast was really nice. The girl I had never heard of, but she was a sweetheart. Her name was Emma Bell. The two guys were Shawn Ashmore (aka Iceman from X-Men) and Kevin Zegers (the kid from the Air Bud movies).
Okay, I will probably try and put multiple posts up here in the next few days with various updates that I can think of. But I figured putting up the one about the film would probably be a good idea, since I apparently never put it on here! If anyone wants to know any specifics about it, let me know! Here's update #1.

New Job!

So, I'm still not very good at posting on here on a regular basis.  I guess I just forget I have it or something.  Well, I had a very boring (and frustrating) month of no work.  I was planning on continuing working at KBYU for the semester since I'd been told that there was a loophole and I could continue working there for 910 hours (no idea why it's 910) post-graduation.  But long story short, it didn't work out.  So that put me on what seemed like a never-ending job hunt that seemed impossible.  I'm only here until April/May, and most places don't want to take someone just for a couple of months - not even lame stores at a mall.  So after searching on every "job website" I could think of, someone reminded me of BYU's newspaper classifieds.  I found this one job that only needs someone for a couple of months, and was a 40-hour-a-week 9-5 job.  I interviewed for it yesterday, and got offered the job a few hours later!  So I will finally have a source of income again!  Man, I can't wait.  That and I won't be bored out of my mind anymore!  I'm going to have work again!  It's going to be weird though, because I haven't had any sort of 9-5 office job since I worked at DoD during the summers! (03 and 04).  But it's work and it pays!  I guess that's all I've got for now.  Yay for work.

Looking Back on 2008….

For various reasons, when I was younger I was convinced that my unlucky number was 8, and was always worried about how the year 2008 would pan out for me. As we closed 2008 and opened 2009, I began to look back on this past year to see what exactly had happened… whether for better or worse. I realized that 2008 brought more blessings, opportunities, and learning experiences than any other year and has really helped to mold me into who I will probably be for the rest of my life. I was blessed with amazing roommates who felt like family to me, I went to California and L.A. for the first time (YAs), I traveled to Australia and went to 9 different cities in 3 weeks – and even got to spend my birthday overseas (YAs). I learned so much from being a part of Young Ambassadors, and learned how to take risks and to go for what I really want, no matter how outlandish it may seem. I have happened upon so many more freelance opportunities both in sports broadcast as well as in film. I worked for 4 different sports broadcast companies filming gigs all over Utah and a couple in Idaho as well. I got to watch the post-production sound process on a film and continued working various things through the Motion Picture Studio in Provo. I worked American Idol this summer and got to help with the sound department on part of High School Musical 3. I finally got to date someone for longer than half a week, and finally learned how to date. I was able to miraculously get all necessary classes added, waived, and/or substituted in order to be able to graduate in December. I was blessed with at least one friend in all of my classes, which made all classes more bearable and also much easier to study for. I had the best visit with my family that I had ever had, and actually enjoyed sharing a room with my sister. But perhaps the most significant thing of 2008 is that I finally learned how to be MYSELF. Not how I should be or how someone else thought I should be, but how I wanted to be and how I wanted to do things. I learned to stop being afraid of what others think and to just be out there and have fun. I finally fully conquered my fear of singing in front of others - just a few months ago.  I used be afraid to crack a joke, worrying that it wouldn’t end up being funny; but that doesn’t matter anymore. Some work, some don’t and you won’t know until you try. And though I have mentioned quite a few things, there are plenty of others from this year that have probably slipped through the cracks; these I have mentioned I suppose are just the most significant of the year. But all in all, what a great year. I only hope that as I begin life (and this year) as a regular, non-student working-class person that it will be even greater than 2008… I have a good feeling about this year. :)

No Fear

So... it has been about three weeks since I decided to change my entire outlook on life, live by a new mentality, and just go with it all. Let me just say, these last three weeks have been quite possibly the best three weeks of my life. I feel like I somehow have erased this mountain of stress that was constantly looming above my head and that I am finally - for the first time in my life - free to do whatever the heck I want, without worrying about any of the trivial things that once consumed my life. Like an idiot, I used to unknowingly live by the "I can't do such&such because so&so will think ___." Seriously, how dumb is that? I was talking with a friend of mine about all of this and she reminded me of such a good quote that I think everyone should take into consideration: Why are you so worried about what others will think when all of them are worried about what YOU will think? Seriously, it doesn't matter. 

Something else I've noticed is that I have become a lot more witty in the last three weeks as well. Why? Because even if I had something funny to contribute before, I was always so *worried* that others wouldn't think it was funny and I would then feel like an idiot for saying it. But now? Well, now I don't care anymore. I guess you could say it's less thinking or filtering than before, because now if I have something to add, I say it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and when it doesn't, I just say to myself "well, better luck next time!" because honestly, 2 minutes from now, who is going to remember the not-so-funny joke you told at dinner? No one! 

The point here though is that you can't live your life in fear... fear of yourself, fear of others, and fear of how others perceive you. The number one thing I used to worry about was whether or not a guy liked me. If he was a guy friend - whether I was interested in him or not - I had to make sure he thought I wasn't interested. And let's be honest - how DUMB is that? Isn't that the whole point? If you like someone, you *want* said person to think you like them! No wonder I was so bad at that thing we call "flirting"! I let my fears control me and life was not nearly as fun!
I just have no fears and no qualms about anything anymore. If I find the stupid old mindset seeping through, I remind myself "it DOESN'T matter!" If I get a 60 on a test, I say "well, at least it's still passing!" because 10 years from now it's not going to matter if you aced History of Music Literature... as long as you got that degree! That's all that counts in the end. So sure, I still try to get good grades, but if I don't do so hot on a test, OH WELL. 

Gosh, life is so much more stress-free this way! I am ALWAYS in a good mood now and somehow find it a million times easier to see the positive in things now. Not that I wasn't an optimistic person already, but now I don't even have to *try* to see the good things that come from the bad - it's just obvious what good has come of it! Oh my gosh, I just can't believe it took me over 22 years to figure this out! But hey, better late than never!

"I Don't Care!" (The New Outlook)

Well, many people have been asking me what my new outlook on life is and how it has begun to work 'so quickly' ... so after quite a few requests, I have written a more detailed version of what exactly I meant by my 'new outlook.'  At the bottom, I've included a quote Karie showed me today that fits so perfectly with my new mentality.  Enjoy!

I don't care.  That's my new mentality!  And yes of course, this requires some explanation or else it might sound a little harsh.  Well for years, I have annoyingly cared FAR too much about what other people think.  "But if I do this, then people might think ___ about me!"  It's dumb, but it's something nearly everyone has to go through and figure out at some point or another.  For me, it took a while, and things just recently clicked in my head.  I unknowingly limited myself in the things I could do or say simply out of fear of how others would perceive me if I were to do a certain thing.  I have never been "quiet" but I most certainly have not be the "loud and out there" one either.  I am out there juuust enough to get noticed on occasion, but no where *near* enough to get heads to turn or anything like that.  I lived life and had 'fun', but lived it VERY cautiously... and doing that isn't fun.

I've always had friends, but they're usually people I've met in some friend-of-a-friend situation or they're just ones that I've known forever.  And while there's nothing wrong with that, it's a heck of a lot more fun to meet people in all sorts of different ways - and without the help of others.  I've usually kept to myself in classes with this skewed mindset that it's somehow easier that way, and so I hardly ever meet people through any class; but this semester I've met all sorts of people that way, and it's great!  I also decided to throw all those stupid 'cares' out the window and basically do what I want.  If I want to sit next to someone, I'm gonna do it.  If I want to meet someone, I'm going to go talk to said person.  Life is too short to live it out in worries and fears!  So... that is EXACTLY what I've started to do!  

Yes, for those of you curious about my facebook status this past week, this mentality is exactly what I'm referring to!  I am going to live life how *I* want to and I am throwing all my cares out the window... heck, if I want to do something, you better believe I will!  Even if it's something that might result in weird looks from passersby, I'm still gonna do it! 

And another thing... how others view you is entirely dependent upon YOU.  It's all in your head.  If you think you're something, then that is exactly what you are and how you appear to others.  So if you think you're fun and exciting and a blast to be around, that will transfer to others and they will believe exactly that.  But if you constantly tell yourself that you're boring and no fun to be around, I hate to break it to ya, but you've just doomed yourself to misery by your own mentality.  That was my other problem: self-confidence.  I definitely didn't have enough of it.  Sure, I have plenty when it comes to jobs and networking, but with regards to everyday social life?  Yeah it sucked.  So I decided that I was just going to TELL myself that I'm the "fun, exciting, blast to be around" person and just live by that and see where it takes me.  As it turns out, it is now more apparent than ever before that people will view you based on the way you view yourself.  I can't even remember the last time I had this much fun this often in the span of one week!  Everywhere I go - even in my classes - it's just a blast.  I'm always talking with lots of people, joking around, playing pranks, and loving life.  

If you have a poor view of yourself, I highly recommend you make a conscious effort to change that and see what happens if you really stick to living by your NEW view of yourself.  I promise you it works!  Believe that you are already how you want to be and stop worrying about how others might perceive you or the things you do, and just run with it.  And I mean run with it.  Don't start with a slow jog - take off with it at full speed and before you know it, you're suddenly living the way you've wanted to live for so long!  :D

And now, the amazing quote that I now love...

"Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you have been hurt before.  Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's Fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's Fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's Fearless to stop believing them. It's Fearless to say "You're NOT sorry," and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is Fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is Fearless. Letting go is Fearless. Then, moving on and being alright...That's Fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Love is Fearless."     -Taylor Swift

Life Is Funny

It's funny how one day you want one thing, and another day you want something completely different.  And I literally mean the time span of just one day.  That instant where everything in your brain somehow rewires itself and suddenly your thoughts, views, or opinions on something are completely different than the day before.  And of course, I suppose it's a gradual process that eventually leads you to that "insta-switch" but it's still a switch that ultimately happens overnight or that you just suddenly realize one day.  Heh, this probably isn't even making sense to most people but oh well.  I'm pretty sure no one (except maybe you, Karie ;-) ) reads these anyway!  I've just noticed that in the last week and a half or so with my own life and it's been so weird.  I keep asking myself "when did that happen?" because until I was forced to re-evaluate everything, I didn't even realize that anything inside of me had changed!  But two choices were presented to me and the choice I thought for so long that I wanted was suddenly no longer the choice I desired!  I just think it's weird how quickly things can change from one thing to another.  

Everything Happens For A Reason

It's that age-old phrase "everything happens for a reason." And while that phrase is indelibly true, it is sometimes hard to find the reasons in things until after the fact. Without going into detail, that phrase has been proven true time and time again in my life, and I just have to be patient to figure out what the heck the reasons are for certain things happening. And, in time, I figure it out. But the most frustrating part is always the present - trying to figure out why certain things are happening to you NOW when you don't have that magic crystal ball to tell you what lies ahead in the future. I guess there wouldn't be much point in that, though, if you could always see 5 miles in front of you. So instead, I try to come up with all sorts of crazy stories and reasons for why current things are happening to me. "Maybe this happened because I needed to do this, and run into this person, to connect with these people, and get this job, to do this thing..." It has actually turned out to be a really good mindset to have, because that way I am constantly learning as I am going, instead of taking years to finally look back and understand how all the puzzle pieces did eventually fit together in time. I am currently putting together quite a few puzzle pieces from last year's events through the things I am going through right now. It really is crazy to see how everything is connected in some way or another, and how you can learn from any experience you have if you look hard enough. I think part of the reason it's so important to see how the past and present relate to one another is to ensure that you don't allow yourself to repeat history time and time again. I am just now realizing that I might have begun to repeat history within my own life and so now I'm trying to stop that from happening in the coming weeks or months. But without those past experiences - good or bad - I wouldn't be prepared for the present; so there's yet another truth to that phrase. Well, in short, everything really does happen for a reason. It's my life's philosophy and I highly recommend it to anyone.